Well, I more or less survived the golf tournament last week.
Doug went to visit his parents over the weekend so I got to crash and relax most of the day Saturday and Sunday. I was feeling pretty good (though still tired) last night - like I could come into work today and start tackling getting caught back up.
Then, I got up this morning...
By the time I finished my coffee, my heart was already speeding up with an anxiety attack just knowing I was going to have to come back to work and not feeling physically or mentally prepared. By the time I got to Hand In Hand to meet with the artist coming to paint with kids for Vino and Van Gogh auction items, I'd had at least 3 more episodes of freaking out, feeling overwhelmed, heart racing, not knowing how I was going to move forward or what I even needed to do.
I have had constant electricity running through my body since I got here. I've had to put on my happy face most of the morning to work with the artist and kids - I'll get to do that again for several hours this afternoon as we try to finish the projects up.
My minds keeps whirling. I'm trying to address and work on at least one or two projects to start taking small steps towards getting something done, but I literally can't think straight and can't calm down.
I simultaneously feel like I've been at work for 5 minutes and for 6 hours because my head is swimming but I can't recall anything about most of the morning. I feel overwhelmed, out of control. I just want to shut down by feel like I have so much weighing on me that I can't stop.
This cannot be normal. There has to be a better way to survive and want to face each day rather than just praying I make it to the end and that tomorrow is better.
