This week was 6 months since I started my job at UAB.
This period has reminded me a little of when I started at United Ability in that I was feeing burned out from Red Cross when I started that job and was still carrying that with me as I battled to be productive and figure out my new responsibilities. I have definitely felt that through my journey starting at UAB except I feel like I've been digging from an even deeper hole to try to get to functioning. I was SO much more burned out coming into UAB that I was when I left Red Cross, and dealing with Horatio's health issues have certainly compounded things and taken a toll.
BUT, there are also positive differences that I've felt in this kind of career awakening at UAB. Because I had been through the process before, I knew I would find my feet and get strong again. Because I'm doing something that is completely in line with my strengths, I have a tendency to embrace and push through challenges more than letting them bring me down. I absolutely have a spirit of appreciation, gratitude, and joy after the weight I'd felt for the last several years.
I met with the TWO people who filled my old job at United Ability to talk through some of their questions about the Journey of Hope event they are now left to plan without anyone who has planned it before still on staff. I think also they just wanted to talk. The one who has taken on all the data and financial part of the position (and has added grantwriting) immediately said, "I have one main question for you - HOW did you do everything you did?!"
That was the absolution, validation, and recognition I don't even think I realized I needed until that moment. Because I managed to keep things afloat in everyone else's eyes, they didn't understand how truly overwhelmed I was. Now that the TWO people that are doing my ONE job are also feeling overwhelmed let me know I wasn't crazy and let them know it's not just them.
We ended up talking for almost 4 hours, and I really gave them honest background on the operational history I knew about and perspective on all the change that has happened so quickly. I really think United Ability is an incredible organization with a remarkably promising future that got hit with a perfect storm of devastating blows in an unbelievably short time - COVID, losing Dr E, losing Dr. Law, losing Alison, losing Tina, new CEO. Just one of those would have shaken the foundation of any organization or business - the fact that United Ability is still standing shows its true core strength.
Through these 6 months, I've gained an even greater appreciation for - and maybe fallen even more in love with - Doug. Through his history at UAB and listening to him talk about work for all these years, I wasn't a complete newbie coming in not knowing about anyone or about how anything worked. There is something in my job every day that I realize relates directly to him being in my life.
We have become even more of a team than ever before. I think - though he'll never admit it - that his value of me changed once I was earning as much as him. He always kind of hid behind that "I bring the money to this relationship" mentality, but he has been much better about helping with chores (including cooking) since I changed jobs.
Now that I actually get to focus for long periods on a single project and get mentally exhausted at the end of the day, I understand why he is often wiped and doesn't have a chance to do something simple like make a phone call. I can't count how many times it is suddenly the end of the day, and I never did that quick thing I was going to do that day.
I know I am in a bit of a honeymoon phase between the grass being greener and the pure relief of not still being in my old position, so I try to remind myself to recognize the joy I'm feeling as I navigate my way through this job in case I need to tap back into it later.
But, I also really do feel like I've graduated to a major next stage in my life where all the lessons to this point start to pay off. Where I am willing and able to connect to my real self instead of constantly trying to fit to what I think I'm supposed to be or wanted to be despite it not really being "me."
It's not all just the job - I'm also finally tackling projects around the house that I've thought about for so long that are making it a better environment, too. I've found ways to use dead space in our oh-so-tiny fridge so everything isn't just stacked up or smooshed together. I FINALLY got the Weird Al and Wadsworth from Clue artwork hung up that has been sitting in the office since the Fall.
On the weekends, I actually feel like I can relax instead of constantly feeling like I should be doing something to improve whatever had irritated me about the house.
Of course, I'm also still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I'm trying to appreciate the space I'm in for as long as I'm here since it is not a place I have been often in my life. I feel like I can breathe, I feel like my feet are under me, and I feel like maybe some it was a phase that has passed.
