Well, 9 and a half months in, Doug and I had our first real conflict.
I did leave Doug sleeping last night and went home. I picked us up breakfast and went back to his house this morning in the hopes of talking through things before the roommates woke up, Literally as I walked in the door, LK and Ryan came in the Living Room. I wanted to cry!
We ate then Doug left for rehearsal and I went home to do chores. I couldn't shake my frustration, and based on how Doug had acted this morning, I didn't think he'd felt like anything was wrong. When we were leaving, I asked if we could get together between rehearsals today, and he said we would. Through my chores, I was trying to figure out exactly how to set up and approach the situation.
I ended up texting him to let him know I was on my way and asking if we could go to his room to chat when I got there. I was on the verge of crying on my way to his house. When I got there, LK came in and boasted at the house chores she and Ryan had done and complained that Doug had not helped (while Doug was in the kitchen). Doug came in and smoked a cigarette then asked if I wanted to go talk.
We went to his room and sat on the bed. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I started crying. I told him that the reason I left last night was because I was frustrated. He immediately hung his head in shame and said "I understand why." I proceeded by confirming he had gotten really drunk and continued into slowly making my points about his increased drinking, that that is his change to make, that I want to spend my life with him but won't let myself be treated like that, i need some time away from the roommates, etc - all through tears. We sat facing each other and holding hands the whole time. He didn't say anything while I was talking - just hung his head. When he did speak, he looked me in the eye sincerely.
Because he was so reverent, I thought he might be just acting like he thought I wanted him to. I realized that I had never seen him in these circumstances before. He actually was giving me the chance to say my peace - giving me his full attention and then spoke thoughtfully. After we had kinda said everything, we laid in each others' arms until I could stop crying.
I am honestly appreciative of how it went. I think it's proof of the strength of our relationship. We'll see how reliably he follows through on the changes he said he'd make, but we agreed to always bring issues to each other honestly and not let things escalate to a fight (if we can). Hopefully we can hold to that.
I have mixed feelings in that (on one hand) we finally had that challenge that tests a relationship that I had worried had not happened and (on the other) we've passed a milestone we can never go back from - the end of the honeymoon stage.
Now, reality begins...
