So, it happened again last night - I'm sitting with theatre friends (drinking), and Jonathan (who I would dismiss my "no guys shorter than me" rule if he were remotely interested in me) tells me I need to act in a show. This is the second time he's told me - and in front of other people both times. He's so endearingly sincere and encouraging.
I admit that I have had fantasies since I was a little girl of inhabiting another persona for the consumption , and praise, of an audience. Sometimes even as part of a stage, TV or movie production.
I am terrified of not being able to learn lines, but I remember what it was like in the few small roles I managed to be awarded in high school. I would be so nervous sitting backstage getting ready to go on, but once I was on stage, I felt calm and at home in my element. I remember how odd it was for me because my overwhelming usual self-counsiousness would disappear, and I was focused entirely on inhabiting my character and being in the scene.
I have established myself as a capable - and apparently high demand - stage manager or all-around behind the scenes person. I think it may be hard to convince someone to take a chance on me as a performer. I really would like to perform in a show someday, but I want it to be a show and a part I connect with - I don't want to be on stage just to be on stage.
I know this is something I have to do - it scares and intrigues me too much.
