Well, it's taken me over 30 years, but I'm finally becoming a "girl." I take joy in shoes, in clothes, in getting my hair done. It's so cliche, but it's like a "coming of age story" at an advanced age.
I think I always considered femininity a weakness. It meant you were easily manipulated or worse - vulnerable. The scars I've collected from the times in my life when I was those things made me fight, with every fiber of my being, from ever being there again.
Somehow in the last few years, I realized that denying and burying my femininity was actually becoming a weakness for me. I wasn't happy or comfortable with myself. It's been a slow progression as I discover that side, but I feel like a damn sexy bitch!
My endeavors into also discovering my passion for women's issues like domestic and sexual violence prevention, education and counceling has also given me a root of strength in finding myself. It's allowed me to open myself up to certain truths of myself and my life.
I'm still working on dealing with the reactions - especially the less desirable ones - to make sure that I don't allow it to stiffle my confidence and comfort. Damn it, that's been the case of nearly everything I've done to express myself in my life - it stops now.
I'm putting my red-patent-leather heel down.
