Wednesday night, Mary Ann texted to ask if I wanted to go to on an impromptu trip to beach this weekend for her b'day. She had dropped by earlier in the day to chat and revealed she might be pregnant again AND her boy is wanting to move to Bham. She's not sure she's ready for that commitment (though she also hasn't gotten in the specifics of his intentions/plans).
My nurturing nature made me immediately say "sure" once I heard she wanted to go because of her birthday. As we started the process of trying to find a place to stay, the anxiety started.
By the time we settled on a spot and I got it reserved, I was vibrating with anxiety and on the verge of tears. I know it is PURELY from the "unknowns" of the trip - especially because I've never traveled with Mary Ann before.
I had settled down by the next morning and was starting to get excited...when I got a message from the property owner that the property wasn't available and should not have been listed because they are concerned of potential COVID exposure.
I kind of took it in stride - found another nice (and similarly priced) property that I immediately booked and immediately messaged to confirm it was available. I tried not to get my hopes up since one property had already fallen through. I kept checking for a response all night. This morning I finally got confirmation....that it WASN'T available. UGH!
I spent an hour on the phone with customer service at VRBO to get a full refund on that property cancellation and to try to 100% confirm the next property is available. I managed to find a great one - different location (were planning for Fairhope but now in Gulf Shores), more expensive (by $200 that I will eat) BUT directly across the street from the beach, full kitchen (so can reduce exposure risks by not having to eat out every meal), and 2 queen beds (so no one on a couch). Even though the owner replied to my message quickly to confirm it is available, I won't be able to relax until I get the message of exactly how to access the property.
When we started talking about the trip, she asked if she could leave her dogs at our house for Doug to watch. Since ours have proven time and time again that they do not play well with others, that wasn't an option. I told her I had a friend who had watched pets before that I could ask but that she just started a new job so wasn't sure. Unfortunately (but understandably), Emily replied to my message that she couldn't do it this weekend. I texted Mary Ann immediately yesterday to let her know.
This morning, when I texted Mary Ann to let her know that we were changing property and location (again!), she replied who I had to watch her dogs. My initial mention reaction - remember; Hello, anxiety of a new travel buddy - was "what the hell? You wanted this trip, and you should be able to get your own pet care." I immediately tried to start my self talk that she may not have seen my text about pet sitting yesterday since she had not responded to it. I texted her that my friends weren't available and even shared a link to a local pet-sitting company I found online for her to check out. I still haven't heard back on that so hope she finds someone and trying to not make it my mission to solve (as is my usual habit).
I know she is a smoker like Doug, and that is another thing I've been worried about. I have traveled enough with Doug to know the precautions he takes to make sure no smoke is detected when smoking inside in no smoking rooms. I finally decided to bite the bullet of possibly worrying or offending Mary Ann, and I texted her to ask if she had any incognito smoking habits like Doug she plans to use since there's a stiff fee if they detect smoking in the place. I told her I don't care if she smokes in the car (I'm driving). She said she was cool not smoking in the place.
Just getting all of this out of my head is helping to lower my anxiety, but I still have a lot of worries (not just about Mary Ann and me, also about Doug being home by himself all weekend). I know that a lot of it is baseless and stupid, but it's still making my heart race and making me want to cry. I don't know why my anxiety has gotten SO bad in the last decade - it really sucks.
I keep trying to employ the tools I've learned to deal with my depression. Reasonable self talk to remind myself of the reality of the situation instead of what my anxiety is telling me. Letting go of focusing my energy on trying to control every minute detail - which causes me more stress since a lot of what I'm trying to plan/control is out of my control.
Spontaneity is always hard for me. I was not something we did when I was growing up. Spontaneity of this scale - WHOA! But, I want to be able to roll with the punches and handle the unexpected like this - especially when it's GOOD unexpected! That's one reason why I am fighting like hell to follow through with this weekend, address anxiety-inducing elements head on where I can.
Maybe if I can get over these hurdles a few times, the anxiety monster won't be such a formidable foe next time.
