Oh, how far we've come!

What a drastic change in a week! Last week at this time, I was emotionally and physically drained from feeling completely lost in life. This week, I have felt back in step with myself. I have felt like things are coming together better - I've actually managed to mark items off my to-do list at work (granted that they are newly added to the list instead of the long range items that never get marked off, but I'm claiming the small battles!). I feel generally more appreciative and aware - maybe it's the time of year with Thanksgiving coming up, but I do just have a better outlook than I have in a while. As much as I kind of hate to admit it - or at least hate to put it in writing for fear of jinxing it - one thing that began my turn around was going to see Elizabeth Hunter's production of King Lear at Samford last week. I'll get to the experience of the show in a second - the invigorating part of it all was walking into Brock Recital Hall and being struck (almost physically with the thought) "this is where we'll get married." I had one of those "out of time/out of body" kind of experiences that I have. I had this heightened emotion and could see - in my mind's eye - everything taking place and feel the emotion that I would feel that day and how others would feel attending. It's so hard to explain, but it felt real. When I was little, I had kind of the stock wedding fantasy that every girl is supposed to have - a huge fancy wedding with a big fancy dress is a big church (that isn't like any around where I live), etc, etc, etc. When I got older and actually started being in wedding parties, going to weddings, working wedding receptions and getting generally pummeled with the whole concept, my wedding fantasy changed. For a long time, I said I wasn't even ever going to get married - just live together in a monogamous relationship for the rest of our lives. Then, I met Doug. My ideas changed again into something fun, kooky, completely outside the norm. Then, we kind of talked about it. When I went to get measured for and order my bridesmaid dress for Sarah's wedding, he went with me since we were heading to Wetumpka for ACTFest. I didn't want to get into a heavy conversation, but we lightly talked about weddings. Apparently he is very into the pomp and circumstance of the occasion, traditions of music, etc. We talked about colors - he said you pick the guys color, the girl's color and an accent from the middle of them on the color wheel. We figured out his would be a kelly or dark green with mine being a dark royal blue and an accent of light yellow or metallic. So, there we were in Brock Recital Hall, and I almost couldn't contain myself with the feeling I was having. I try to be very careful about how I present things with Doug but I also never want to just not say something that I'm feeling. So, I said that I wasn't trying to push anything but that would be a perfect place for a wedding. I left it at that and he agreed. I didn't even say "our wedding." But, when I went home, I couldn't fall asleep for planning out all the details of the wedding, the reception, the flowers, the dresses, the attendants, all the major details. Now, I'm not crazy and I KNOW alot of those elements will change just like all my previous wedding fantasies have, but it is amazing how far around my current feelings about getting married (the actual ceremonial process) have come. Oh, and King Lear - as usual, Elizabeth used the ENTIRE space in the most astounding way to tell the full story. I actually understood Lear - which I didn't do after the last production of it I saw, and it was at ASF! The costumes were top notch, the acting and movement was amazing, the lighting was to die for! After the curtain call - just when you think it's over - handmade paper fortune cookies with quotes from the show in them fell from the lighting grid in the ceiling. I left there truly feeling like I had EXPERIENCED a show. It was so wonderful, and I feel gifted to not only have experienced it but to also have the behind the scenes experience with Elizabeth to understand all that went into it. Oh, how far we've come!