I don't know what's wrong with me.
Yesterday and today, I have been a fucking funnel for all of the negativity in the office. I don't know if it is because the weather is so nice and we are all stuck inside or what, but everyone is stressed and pissy. I have to hear it as well as dealing with my increased to do list - feeling like everyone is waiting on something that I can't ever get to.
I'm going on vacation with the girls to Savannah later this week, but even that is stressful because of what I'm not getting to do while I'm gone - and how much it costs that I can't really afford. It will be nice to get away for a bit, though.
I'm just sad today and I don't know why. Maybe I need that creative outlet that I've missed for so long. I don't know.
I have always idealized that I would be ok once I found love to fill the hole that I've always felt. Well, I love Doug - more than I ever thought I would ever be able to love someone (and faster, too). But, I am still feeling that same depression that I have always felt. I can't seem to pinpoint why - which is driving me crazy.
I came home tonight and got Popeye's to be some comfort food, drank a bottle of wine, a mini of vodka and a woodchuck. I'm still not drunk and numb enough to feel better.
Maybe I'm out of practice with these feelings because things have gone so well for the last year or so - or I've been too busy to feel them. Either way, I feel them now and I seem to have forgotten how to cope.
I'm not sure where to go from here. Maybe love, support and an amazing man isn't actually enough,.,
